An appreciation of Friday the 13th

The Friday the 13th series is one of my favorite film series of all time. They are not well made movies but they are friggin' fun. I grew up watching them along with the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. If you want to trace back my love of movies then look at this series, Nightmare on Elm Street, Ghostbusters, Batman, Back to the Future, Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke 'Em High, Police Academy (my first glimpse of screen nudity!) series and Monster Squad. Those are the movies that I used to watch all the time as a kid. My parents didn't give a damn if things were appropriate for a kid and I thank them for that.

But for some reason the Friday movies have stuck in my head. They are forgettable trash or at least they would be for any normal person. I used to be scared shitless of these movies as a kid but grew out of that quickly. I just think that Jason is an icon of cinema that doesn't get recognized as often as he should be. I even have a 12 inch figure of him standing over me on my computer desk as I write this. In case you were wondering I also have Freddy, Chucky and Tiffany, Ash from Evil Dead, a Terminator, an Alien, a Predator, the Headless Horseman and Hellboy up there. Oh yeah and a couple of figures from John Carpenters "The Thing". Too much geek information there.

Back to topic. These movies have a special place in my heart. I used to watch them on USA as well on their usual Friday the 13th marathons. They used to show them on USA's Up at Night back then hosted by Rhonda Shear. Yeah they were edited but as a kid I didn't mind it as much cause when they went to commercial they used to cut back to Rhonda and her two big "reasons" that kept me glued to the tv. WInk wink.

So in honor of June 13th aka Friday the 13th and in order for me to get more writing practice, here's a little appreciation for the Friday series. In the order of worst to best, here we go.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1987) - Jesus Christ, where to begin with this one? It's the typical teenagers at Crystal Lake plot but for some unknown reason the main teenage girl has psychic powers. She also accidently killed her dad in the lake with her powers. You need to know that little nugget in order to appreciate the ending. This thing is so poorly directed and acted that I'm amazed they actually released it. It's also one of those movies where scenes that take place in the woods in the middle of the night seem lit from fluorescent lights. Some highlights, main teenage girl's psychic battle against Jason, therapist's buzz-saw to the midsection and Jason smashing a camper in a sleeping bag against a tree. And at the end the girl's dad jumps out of the lake after being dead for years and drags Jason back down to the bottom. Only really good thing that came out of this abortion is Kane Hodder as Jason. Best Jason Ever.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) - This sin against humanity decided to make Jason a demon that jumps from person to person and only has about 5 minutes of actual Jason in it. As a Friday movie it's a piece of shit but as a campy horror movie then it actually works. Not well but it keeps you busy for 90 minutes. Highlights include a girl getting sliced down the middle while in the middle of the sexual act, death by fry cooker and Freddy Kruger's glove popping up to take Jason's mask down to hell or whereever.

Friday the 13th Part 3 (1982) - Yeah, this is the one they made in 3-D. Oh how I wish I was old enough to go see it when it came out. I wanted to see the shit literally pop out at me. This thing just plain sucks, no tension, barely any nudity and seeing it in 2-D blows the big one. All it's lame attempts to point things at camera as an excuse to use 3-D are just more pathetic in 2-D. They showed this a few years back in 3-D somewhere and I wish I could have traveled across the country to see it. Just to say I did. Or I can just lie and say I did anyway. Highlights include a supposedly threatening motorcycle gang who look like they jumped out of Michael Jackson's Thriller video, death by speargun, fat guy sliced in half and the first time Jason wears his hockey mask.

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning - The one without Jason in it. It looks like it's him but it's actually a pissed off middle-aged ambulance driver who apparently can survive a lot of mortal wounds. This one isn't all that bad but mostly for all the wrong reasons. Annoying black kid, cheesey extended dancing scene ending in death and a Corey Feldman cameo. Need I say more? I do? Umm...it has a good beginning.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) - The first one with Jason actually in it. He looks like a retared hillbilly in this one but I just need to put it up high on the list cause the other ones just suck so much. I can barely remember this one. The only memorable things were the girl survivor from the first one gets killed in the opening of this one. And oh yeah, handicapped kid gets a machete in the face and rolls down a bunch of stairs. Laughed my ass at that one.

Friday the 13th (1980) - It's this high cause without it then we wouldn't have all it's shitty sequels. It's the simplelest of plots and does not do a very good job but it's still fun in that typical unintentional way. Any movie where the villain turns out to be a 50+ year old lady in a sweater gets points in my book. She's also easily knock down-able, giving you time to run five feet and catch your breathe only to have her pop back up and scare you. Bonus points for having a young Kevin Bacon get an arrow to the throat.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1988) - The one wear Jason gets to New York in the last 15 minutes and where the filmmakers try to stay in affordable Canada as long as they can. For some reason I really like this one. It's just so stupid that I can't help but have fun. A punk rock chick getting stabbed with an electric guitar, a boxer getting his head punched off and Jason getting turned into a little kid thanks the toxic waste that flushes down New York's surprisingly well-lit sewers every night at midnight. Or so we're told. And for some reason the bad 80's rock song they play during the end credits has stuck in my head for 20 years.

Jason X (2002) - Jason in space. It shouldn't work but goddamn it, it does. The filmmakers just made this one plain fun. We get Kane Hodder as Jason, a hot android that exists for no reason other than to fight him at the end, a nice virtual reality scene that encompasses the things that have made these movies stick in my mind all these years. Nudity, premarital sex, drug use and violence. The things a growing boy needs. Such a stupid idea that turned into a decent flick. Bonus points for throwing in a Cyber Super-Jason and a girl getting her face frozen then smashed into pieces.

Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter (1984) - This one works because they don't take it so seriously. The filmmakers actually try having some fun with it for once. It isn't very good but it just works enough to make it fun. Corey Feldman's presence aside, this one has some good moments. Good nudity, creative kills, Crispin Glover getting a machete to the face and one of the funniest kills in film history. I don't know if they intended it to be funny but it is. It's a scene where this guy who wants to kill Jason in order to avenge his sister's death is in a basement looking for Jason when he pops up and starts introducing his knife to the guy's insides. During all of this the guy is screaming "Oh my god! He's killing me! He's killing me!" while the main girl screams in terror and runs away. Writing that makes me want to watch it again.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) - My favorite one. It has all the cliches but it just is so much fun. We get the unbelieving sheriff who gets folded in half, the old drunk bum who warns the girls but gets a broken bottle shoved in his face, a couple on a bike getting shish-kababed. There's also a heart getting ripped out and a triple decapitation with a single machete swing. Good, good shit. It's also the introduction of Zombie Jason. He gets resurrected by a lightning strike since that thing happens every day. I just love this one.

Wow, I didn't think I'd actually write all this. I even kept faithful to the series' jump to Roman numerals after part 6. Geek detail. I didn't include Freddy Vs. Jason since I don't consider it a Friday movie, more of a Freddy movie if you ask me. It was a fun time and had some good moments but too little Jason to satisfy me. If you actually read this whole thing then you have a lot more patience than I give you credit for. I hope you at least enjoyed a sentence of it.